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Since January 2004

- ::: mE ::: -
| Irwandy aka ND |
| 27 |
| Kuala Lumpur |
| Working in Shah Alam |
| Photography, Blogging, Guitars |
| Music, Theatre, Movies, Cars |

| YM! : silverbullet_gt |


ND's Latest News :-

- photography freak
- working in UMW, Shah Alam
- busy with working life lately


Plain White Tee's - Hey There Delilah


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Aku Bukan Memilih
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Why Call?
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Monday, March 28, 2005
Jiwa Kacau

I dunno why, jiwa kacau since yesterday...actually it started out since the nite before yesterday. I'm not sure of what it is but I don't like it. But the peak was yesterday. To feel like that at the time when we want to be happy and enjoy the things that we do, it sucks big time. Especially when it deals with your heart. But you dunno what's really inside. Hati & minda bercelaru membuatkan jiwa kacau.

Maybe that's why after cooking, I just wanna be alone at the room. Just to cool down and create something. But at the end of it, I managed to composed 2 songs. Ilham datang secara tiba-tiba. Just suits my situation. Well, maybe I'm gonna publish it soon. We'll see.

Ntahlah. Why do I feel this such feelings when I really wanna avoid it as much as I can. I've tried so hard but still I can't force myself. When I'm trying to avoid it, that thing becomes nearer and nearer. I just dunno what to do and just let it spread out through my veins. Sampai bila tah nak jadi camni pun taktau. Does this means I already fall in love? I really hope not. This makes me remember of a song...

"Everybody's looking for that something, one thing that makes it all complete, you'll find it in the strangest places, places you never knew it could be...
Some find it sharing every morning, some in their solitary lives, you'll find it in the words of others, a simple line can make you laugh or cry...
You'll find it it the deepest friendship, the kind you cherish all your life, and when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing, and you're flying without wings...
So impossible as it may seem, you've gotta fight for every dream, coz who's to know which one you let go would have made you complete..." - Flying Without Wings by Westlife

Well, to tell the truth, within these few weeks, my tears were falling once or twice. I dunno why. I'm trying to be myself but I just can't. I've tried and it's so hard. But still I managed to do something. I'm trying to show my real outgoing attitude. But still I can't do it even with my friends!

The thing is, when it comes to this situation, sometimes ada je dugaan. Kena kacau la...itu ini...bla bla bla. Sometimes, people just don't understand although they know it's not appropriate to do it. Prevention is better than cure. That's what I'm trying to say. For now, I just wanna keep quite.

I'm just a normal guy who wants everything to be in order. Who doesn't? But I know, in order to get things right, there's always a barrier so that we learned from it even if we got what we want. I know physically I don't look good. Well, it's up to them.

As a human being, I also have my own feelings. Love, sick, frustrated and what so ever. A man gotta do what a man gotta do. But avoidance keeps me nearer and I really wanna know why. If I like or fall in love with somebody, as I told in my previous postings, I just wanna be friends first. I'm not a typical guy where they wanna confess and they expect to get what they want. That's totally wrong. If I confess, I just wanna let somebody knows so that we both know how to deal with it and know our limits. From that, she will see the real me and in the mean time, I just wanna be friends and we'll see from there. If there's something going on, surely I will proceed. If not, that's a different kind of story. For me, true love will come from friends, good friends or best friends coz you know him/her from A-Z.

3 years ago, I got a friend which is a girl. She was really in trouble with all sorts of problems such as personal probs, financial & family probs. At the same time, there's one guy who likes her a lot. He knows about her probs and he's willing to help her all the way. He was there whenever that girl needs somebody. Eventhough that girl doesn't want to commit with any guys, he understands her and just be her friend. But that doesn't stopped him to fall in love with that girl. He fell in love and told everything to her. But she said she's not ready to commit with anybody. But still, that guy was besides her all the way through thick and thin. And now, I heard they just married. From this story, we can see how sincere that guy was. Another thing, he was there through thick and thin. That's why that girl which is my friend, accepted him as his husband.

### - Sebab itu ada orang cakap, masa tengah susah adalah masa yang paling sesuai untuk menguji seseorang. Kalau masa susah pun dia layan kita baik, inikan pula masa senang.

### - Bagaimana caranya oh kasih ku, ku ingin juga kau mengerti, ku ingin bahagia denganmu, bagaimana caranya...

Posted at 07:07 am by irwandy

March 28, 2005   09:19 AM PST
setuju.. sebab tu susah kalau nak 'find somebody new'.. lagi2 dah habis belaja nih and dah kerje... you'll just can't help but wonder..if the person who show interest in you would really sincerely accept who you are... aku rasa..kalau aku tak kawin lagi5 tahun lagi..i might jst end up with one of my friends je..senang cite..at least dioran pernah tgk and kenal aku time tgh comot ...ehehehhe
March 28, 2005   01:41 PM PST
"Kalau masa susah pun dia layan kita baik, inikan pula masa senang."

itulah cinta dan kasih sayang yang sebenar.yang lahir dari hati yang luhur dan ikhlas.kalaulah semua pasangan bersikap macam ni, alangkah baiknya

March 28, 2005   09:28 PM PST
tersentuh dan terharu bila baca perenggan yg akir sekali tu...perenggan yg x diboldkan.. :D..setiap orang Allah beri kebahagiaan,sama ada cepat atau lambat....:)
March 28, 2005   11:16 PM PST
lissa...yeah, true that...

mar, yeah, itulah cinta yg sebenar, bukan dari segi luaran, malah dari segi dalaman yg lahir dari hati yg ikhlas...btol ckp ko..huhu

Nur, eheh..itu cerita sebenar yg pernah berlaku dulu to my friend...and i respect that guy...i wish i can be like him...maybe i'll try..hehe
March 29, 2005   01:43 AM PST
dude.. just be yourself.. don't push too hard.. sometimes, we need to learn how to let go.. if u did what u should do, then just consider it's done! man got to do what man got to do.. just bcoz we r men! just be prepared for the 'outcomes'.. u will be fine.. insyaallah.. and i believe Allah loves u very much! simply bcoz u r a good man dude.. u should be proud of yourself..
March 29, 2005   11:01 AM PST
leman..thanks dude...really appreciate that...

laydiefa...wow..u must have been there also eh...huhu...mmg 100% setuju...EVERY SINGLE WORD...;)
March 29, 2005   01:56 PM PST
huiyo, chenta beb chenta. carilah si dia yang dapat menerima kita seadanya.
March 29, 2005   03:14 PM PST
Jiwa Kacau? semua ni ujian je ndy.. kalau kita dah tak blh nak buat apa2.. kembalila pada Sang Pencipta.. kan Dia tu Maha Pengasih and Penyayang.. ask Him to help.. sure Dia boleh tolong to ease that feeling...
March 29, 2005   06:01 PM PST
ND!! aku baru baca bebetui ko nye entri ni.. hehe.. true love ni.. masalahnye kan.. u won't know whether it is a true love or not.. until it ends!! either via a break-off, divorce, or death!! so.. in other words.. u won't know what True Love really is... soo.. don't look for love.. look for friendship.. then you will find love!! insya Allah...
March 29, 2005   10:01 PM PST
yes...i look thru friendship...
March 30, 2005   07:53 AM PST
True love depends on really how you give meaning to it. It varies accordingly.
If you really believe true love exists, then there is and vice versa.

Love because of Allah; that's the most beautiful thing. :)
March 30, 2005   09:31 AM PST
yes, i love because of Allah...Allah answered my prayer...and now it has come...
March 30, 2005   10:57 AM PST
isk aposal semua orang tengah jiwa kacau nih ar???
Cinta diamond
March 31, 2005   07:25 PM PST
" If I like or fall in love with somebody, as I told in my previous postings, I just wanna be friends first ". Nd, by saying that u've taken a very big risk on your feelings and relationship. It really really shows that you're not sure of what u want and most importantly about ur feelings too. U not sure whether u've just fallen in luv or not n whether she's the right one for u too. Thats why u want to be frens with her first. Try to put ur self in her position, what do you think she would feel about this??? u want to be frens first fine.. no problem but then dont blame anybody if something happened in between that. U memang dah kenal dia kan. So berapa lama lagi nak kenal n nak kawan??? My advise to you. Kalau u dah suka seseorang tu go ahead express urself tell her how much u love her and DONT HESITATE. May be she's waiting for u to say it too. Kalau dia tak terima fine. At least u've done what u can as a man can do. But what if kalau DIA TERIMA. Jackpot beb.

Please be sure of what u want. U nak fall in love ker or u nak kawan jer. Mana boleh dua dua bang!!!!!

Sorry ek kalau ada terkasar bahasa ker apa ker.
March 31, 2005   07:58 PM PST
cinta diamond..or should i call u, shidee?..eheh...thanks for replying..i really appreciate it...

u got the points there dude...i understand...maybe when i wrote this entry i feel like emotional or i've said something from my mind, not my heart...

maybe on some points, u didn't get it coz this is all words...it's not totally from my heart. I'm not the person that u think...maybe u think im really confused with this thingy, well, if u say this last month, it's true...but now, it's not true...im not confused anymore...and maybe before this, i wanna try to avoid this feelings...and that makes me confused...but it seems like i can't avoid it and this feelings grow each day...

if u can see on my previous postings, i've put so many songs that really suits my situation...i usually express my feelings thru songs...

and some more, i've been down, i've been beat in relationships before...i don't want that thing to happen anymore...if i tell u from A-Z about my past life, you'll cry...i hope u understand why...

and now, yes...i am sure about my feelings...and i've fallen...i can't help it anymore...maybe i've made it complicated but now no more...

sometimes the simplest things can make u fall in love...like now...;)
Cinta diamond
March 31, 2005   09:18 PM PST
Go ahead ND. Go n see her and tell her how u feel about it. Just straight to the point. U've got nothing to lose man. Just put this way la. Kalau ada jodoh tak payah buat apa pun dapat tapi kalau tak ada jodoh tu buat macam mana pun tak dapat. Tapi Allah nak kita usaha. At least u tried my frens. About ur fear of getting hurt again, well everything has it own risk. The more risk u take then the more reward u'll get if succeeded. Usaha dulu dengan bersungguh sungguh then mintak doa bebanyak kat ALLAH. That's the best way. Tak payah nak assume sana berbunga sini n so forth. Just straight to the point ek.

March 31, 2005   09:24 PM PST
fuhhh.. biler pakar berkata kata... love not complicated.. ppl make it complicated... boleh tak??
March 31, 2005   10:03 PM PST
yes dude...i will tell about how i feel..trust me, i will...but now it's not the right time...maybe i'm just like her...i'm not ready to commit coz there's a lot of distractions upon me...there's a lot of things i have to learn and go for...i wanna do that just for the sake of the person that i love...to make her comfortable and happy with me later...

Di sebalik senyuman, ada seribu kedukaan...itulah aku...itulah yg aku nak sort things back to where i belong...

u can see what i wrote...the trouble with love is it doesn't matter how fast u fall, and u can't refuse the call...that's the situation that im facing right now...

i've tried to avoid just to make me comfortable and not to be hurt again...but seems like, it hurts more when i tried to avoid...it hurts more when someone we love is in front of us and i don't have the guts or afraid to say about how i feel...
March 31, 2005   11:28 PM PST
dude.. dont make things complicated.. just be straight forward.. just let it out, no need to hedge ur position (economic term ni).. dont just ding-dong-ding-dong, and angau to the max, yet message not gotten across CLEARLY. hehhe.. in other words, let's face the reality.. no need to complicate matters.. there're only two thing possibilities in this world, yes or no.

my humble 2 duit.. u can choose to disagree..
March 31, 2005   11:35 PM PST
ok ok...i know i think too much...we'll see..thanks for your comments

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