Friday, April 01, 2005
Some people when they're in love, they tend to avoid it. They want to avoid to be hurt, to be rejected or something. They wanna make comfortable for themselves and to be at the safer side. And deep inside their heart, they can't avoid it coz it keeps falling faster and faster. But I realized that it hurts more when you love that someone and you never have the courage or you don't want to take the risk to say it out loud to someone you love. Especially when the person you love is in front of you and you just can't say it to that person.
It's been more than a year where people just come and go to love me, to like me. But my heart was numb. I just can't give my heart to somebody whenever my heart feels numb. But for the past few weeks, my heart keeps falling faster. I can't avoid it anymore. I just can't. I hate to say that I hate this feelings. But I can't lie to myself anymore. Well, it's true. I've fallen.
Share my life, take me for what I am coz I'll never change all my colours for you. Take my love, I'll never ask for too much. Just all that you are and everything that you do. I don't really need to look very much further. I don't want to have to go where you don't follow. I won't hold it back again this passion inside. I just can't run from myself and there's nowhere to hide. Don't make me close one more door coz I don't wanna hurt anymore. Don't walk away from me coz I don't have nothing If I don't have you...
### - Sometimes the simplest thing can make us to fall in love...isn't it?
### - It's not April Fool...it's true... ;)
Posted at 09:57 am by irwandy
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Semalam, aku dgn AP (Avuacool
) gi dinner kat Nora Tomyam kat Medan Selera, Tmn Melawati. Punya la penuh sampai susah nak carik tempat. At last, ade gak satu tempat kosong. Kitorang pun duduk...lepas aku order, AP pulak order...
AP : ermmm..kasi saya Ayam masak halia, Telur putih dan Nasik Dadar...
Waiter tu pun blur...
Aku : Telur putih??..Nasik Dadar?..ape ko ckp ni AP?..wakakakkaka
AP : ehhh...Telur Dadar and Nasik putih!...silap..silap...
Aku : hahahhahahahahh....ada orang angau!!!...Mmmmbbuuuaarrrrhhahahahha
(ikut style Leman
Takpe AP, aku paham..Pelik. Aku yang jiwa kacau, ko plak mamai & angau...hahaha...relax dude, 2 minggu lagi ko balik Miri...hehe...
Semalam aku baru nak tgk dvd Love Actually...best gilaks...and yes, love actually is all around us. Kinda nice story with some big british stars...kinda sweet...huhu
### - The trouble with love is it doesn't matter how fast you fall, and you can't refuse the call...*sigh*
Posted at 09:21 am by irwandy
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Tempat Kejadian : Toilet Midvalley Megamall
Tahun Kejadian : 2001
Masa tu aku berambut panjang sampai ke bahu. Aku tak ikat rambut, aku biarkan lepas je. Lepas tgk wayang, aku bergegas ke toilet yg terdekat. Bila dah melepaskan hajat, aku membasuh tangan di sinki yang membelakangkan pintu masuk toilet lelaki. Tiba-tiba aku ternampak ada seorang pakcik ni masuk...dia terkejut..
Pakcik : ehhhh....pakcik salah masuk tandas ke ni...maaf ye nak..
Aku segera menoleh belakang...aku tgk pakcik tu tgk pintu masuk tu balik...dia pun pelik sbb mmg tu tandas lelaki...pastu dia toleh kat aku...
Pakcik : ohhh..laaa..pakcik ingatkan perempuan...hehe...
Kami sama-sama tergelak...termasuk semua orang di dalam toilet tu pun gelak...hampeh btol...sampai hati dia bleh ingat aku ni perempuan?...ish ishhh...tapi lawa jugak rambut aku ye sampai diorang ingat perempuan...hahaha... :p
### - Tiru seperti rambutku...maka tertipulah mereka yg lain...hahaha.. :p
Posted at 10:16 am by irwandy
Monday, March 28, 2005
I dunno why, jiwa kacau since yesterday...actually it started out since the nite before yesterday. I'm not sure of what it is but I don't like it. But the peak was yesterday. To feel like that at the time when we want to be happy and enjoy the things that we do, it sucks big time. Especially when it deals with your heart. But you dunno what's really inside. Hati & minda bercelaru membuatkan jiwa kacau.
Maybe that's why after cooking, I just wanna be alone at the room. Just to cool down and create something. But at the end of it, I managed to composed 2 songs. Ilham datang secara tiba-tiba. Just suits my situation. Well, maybe I'm gonna publish it soon. We'll see.
Ntahlah. Why do I feel this such feelings when I really wanna avoid it as much as I can. I've tried so hard but still I can't force myself. When I'm trying to avoid it, that thing becomes nearer and nearer. I just dunno what to do and just let it spread out through my veins. Sampai bila tah nak jadi camni pun taktau. Does this means I already fall in love? I really hope not. This makes me remember of a song...
"Everybody's looking for that something, one thing that makes it all complete, you'll find it in the strangest places, places you never knew it could be...
Some find it sharing every morning, some in their solitary lives, you'll find it in the words of others, a simple line can make you laugh or cry...
You'll find it it the deepest friendship, the kind you cherish all your life, and when you know how much that means, you've found that special thing, and you're flying without wings...
So impossible as it may seem, you've gotta fight for every dream, coz who's to know which one you let go would have made you complete..." - Flying Without Wings by Westlife
Well, to tell the truth, within these few weeks, my tears were falling once or twice. I dunno why. I'm trying to be myself but I just can't. I've tried and it's so hard. But still I managed to do something. I'm trying to show my real outgoing attitude. But still I can't do it even with my friends!
The thing is, when it comes to this situation, sometimes ada je dugaan. Kena kacau la...itu ini...bla bla bla. Sometimes, people just don't understand although they know it's not appropriate to do it. Prevention is better than cure. That's what I'm trying to say. For now, I just wanna keep quite.
I'm just a normal guy who wants everything to be in order. Who doesn't? But I know, in order to get things right, there's always a barrier so that we learned from it even if we got what we want. I know physically I don't look good. Well, it's up to them.
As a human being, I also have my own feelings. Love, sick, frustrated and what so ever. A man gotta do what a man gotta do. But avoidance keeps me nearer and I really wanna know why. If I like or fall in love with somebody, as I told in my previous postings, I just wanna be friends first. I'm not a typical guy where they wanna confess and they expect to get what they want. That's totally wrong. If I confess, I just wanna let somebody knows so that we both know how to deal with it and know our limits. From that, she will see the real me and in the mean time, I just wanna be friends and we'll see from there. If there's something going on, surely I will proceed. If not, that's a different kind of story. For me, true love will come from friends, good friends or best friends coz you know him/her from A-Z.
3 years ago, I got a friend which is a girl. She was really in trouble with all sorts of problems such as personal probs, financial & family probs. At the same time, there's one guy who likes her a lot. He knows about her probs and he's willing to help her all the way. He was there whenever that girl needs somebody. Eventhough that girl doesn't want to commit with any guys, he understands her and just be her friend. But that doesn't stopped him to fall in love with that girl. He fell in love and told everything to her. But she said she's not ready to commit with anybody. But still, that guy was besides her all the way through thick and thin. And now, I heard they just married. From this story, we can see how sincere that guy was. Another thing, he was there through thick and thin. That's why that girl which is my friend, accepted him as his husband.
### - Sebab itu ada orang cakap, masa tengah susah adalah masa yang paling sesuai untuk menguji seseorang. Kalau masa susah pun dia layan kita baik, inikan pula masa senang.
### - Bagaimana caranya oh kasih ku, ku ingin juga kau mengerti, ku ingin bahagia denganmu, bagaimana caranya...
Posted at 07:07 am by irwandy
Friday, March 25, 2005
Sometimes we feel like, our life is incomplete. You get what you want, you got everything but still, something is missing. You tend to be happy all the time but still you're not. Deep inside your heart you want it and that's the thing money cannot buy. Feels like you don't have nothing. Have you ever encountered this similar situation?
Even though it seems I have everything
But I don't wanna be a lonely fool
All of the women
All the expensive cars
All of the money don't amount to you
I can make believe I have everything
But I can't pretend I don't see
That without you girl
My life is incomplete...
### - You're beautiful because of who you are, not because of what I see... ;)
Posted at 12:33 am by irwandy